Hi dare Bruv! How's it hanging, Man? Jus to let you know I is fed up wiv havin' nuthin' to do since they closed the Darby and Joan club on my estate. Nobody thinks about us Oldies and findin' us fings to do wot ain't just BAUR-RING!!
Now I'm nearly 70 I jus wanna 'ave a larf, Man.

I is startin' my own Gang! Anyone want to join? No one younger than 50, innit. Da uniform is baseball caps and hoodies, and don't wear no braces, Man, cos your jeans is spose to be hangin' down near your crotch, Man.

We gotta have a name for dis Gang. Anyone got any ideas? I was finkin' "The Baldy Boys" or sumfink.

Meet me outside Patel's Corner Shop. We'll 'ave a larf at any young kids wot walk by and show 'em we want Respeck!!
Bring some fags and a cuppla cans.

One last fing! You better bring sometin' to proteck yourself.
Arx your granddaughter if you can look in her kitchen drawer. I got a wicked potato peeler, Man!